I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
