They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
