why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
