A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
