we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
