you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
