do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
