Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
