I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I love you.
Bad choice
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
