im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
