I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
