Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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