does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
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