If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
