I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
