im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
