Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
