drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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