I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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