Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
