You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
