you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
