Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
