"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
