Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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