I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
