so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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