I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
