Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
