First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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