Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
