I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
