The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
