false alarm. still invincible.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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