I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
