how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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