We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
