I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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