the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
