Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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