My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
