So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
