he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
