so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
