He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's rum buckets o'clock
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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