I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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