i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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