Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how drunk are you?
Several
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
