Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
