Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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