Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
