Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
