Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
