fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
