If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
