i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
