wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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