and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
