Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
