How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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