During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
