Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize