What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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