Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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