I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
