The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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