Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
