So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
