im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
