So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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