What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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