And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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