Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
