I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
