OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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