I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Damn victory sex feels great
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
